Hello fellow food adventurers! Ever wondered about the most extreme way to Cook Food? Forget fancy grills or smokers; have you ever considered cooking food directly over a flow of fresh, molten lava? If that thought has ever crossed your mind – and since you’re reading this, I’m guessing it has – you’re in for a treat. Because surprisingly, there’s a way to actually cook food using the Earth’s fiery innards.
It might sound like a crazy culinary experiment, and honestly, it kind of is. But for those daring enough (or just incredibly curious), let’s dive into the fiery world of lava cooking.
Whether you’re craving a perfectly seared steak, or you’re more into veggie grilling, the basic principle of lava cooking remains the same: you need lava, and you need food. Oh, and a healthy dose of caution. Being clumsy around molten rock is definitely not recommended.
For the sake of demonstration, let’s talk steak. But remember, the same principles apply to almost anything you might want to cook – or cremate. First things first, you’ll need to find a fresh lava flow. Hawaii, with its active volcanoes like Kilauea, is probably your best bet. Unless, of course, you happen to have a personal lava-making laboratory (yes, those exist for real!). So, book your flight to the Big Island and get ready to hike towards some flowing lava.
Once you’re near a lava flow, the next step is setting up your “lava grill.” You’ll need a wide grill, ideally one with flat, heatproof bases on the prongs for stability. Don’t even think about standing directly on fresh lava – it’s hot enough to melt metal and definitely your shoes. Find a spot on a cooled lava flow nearby. If you poke a thin metal pole into what looks like solid ground, you might just break through to molten lava underneath. This is where you carefully position your grill over the lava flow. Be prepared to adjust its position as the lava moves – this isn’t your average backyard barbecue!
Now, let’s talk heat. Your regular barbeque grill, even at its hottest, reaches around 232°C (450°F). Basaltic lava? A scorching 1,100°C (2,012°F) on average! If you like your steak well-done to the point of carbonization, lava is your dream cooker. But for those who prefer their steak with a little more… steakiness, you’ll need to be extremely careful with this intense heat source.
Imagine a skirt steak. Why skirt steak? Because celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay (who knows a thing or two about cooking) says it’s tender and delicious. In fact, Ramsay usually cooks skirt steak on a super-hot grill for just a few minutes per side. Now, picture placing that same skirt steak on a grill directly above lava. Instant sear, maybe even instant cremation. The outside would be charcoal, the inside probably still raw. Not exactly gourmet lava cooking.
As demonstrated in some rather… intense videos online, holding meat too close to lava – even a foot above – can result in immediate flames. So, a high grill is essential. Flame-grilled is one thing, lava-inferno-grilled is quite another. Fat dripping onto lava causes fiery flare-ups, turning your potential steak dinner into a burnt offering to the volcano gods. Some have even tried cooking directly on cooled lava. The result? Let’s just say “cremated” is an understatement.
Salmon on the lava grill? Also not a great idea. The skin tends to weld itself to the metal, creating a sticky, messy situation.
Believe it or not, some experimental chefs have actually tried lava cooking and claimed success. One chef even partnered with geologists to create artificial lava for cooking experiments. While they might get points for innovation, we’re pretty sure Gordon Ramsay would have a few choice words about their seasoning techniques (or lack thereof).
So, if you are truly tempted to try lava cooking in Hawaii, remember these crucial tips: use a high grill with a stable base, avoid fish, and for goodness sake, don’t be clumsy. Also, volcanic fumes are a real thing. Lava often releases sulfur compounds, which are bad for your lungs and eyes, and smell and taste like rotten eggs. To combat this, try using a fan to blow fumes away or marinate your food with something sweet to neutralize the acidic taste.
Finally, a major lava cooking no-no: water-based foods. Dropping water onto lava creates violent steam explosions. This will not only over-steam your food but also cause lava to erupt and spit molten rock at you. Definitely not part of a pleasant dining experience.
Bon appétit! And seriously, watch your feet. Lava cooking is definitely extreme, and probably best left to the professionals… or maybe just watched on video.
